This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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