i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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