I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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