I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
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