Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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