I'm really into asian looking animals
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
