You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
