so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷ðŸ»â€â™€ï¸
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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