forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
