Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
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His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
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also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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