yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
