VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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