Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
