what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
