woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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