Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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