when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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