Where is the hickey?
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
