Little spoons don't ask big questions
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
