When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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