I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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