2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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