Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Randomize
