ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
