Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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