Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
me + whiskey = a bad person
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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