omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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