I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
