he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Randomize
