So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
