So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
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