Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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