Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
