Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
