sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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