You don't have asthma, your pregnant
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
