your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
