She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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