We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
