This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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