Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
