hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
