I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
