I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
