two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
