Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
