DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
