I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
