Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
