Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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