she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
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you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
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Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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