remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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