Define "chronic" masturbator.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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