party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
