I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
