then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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