Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
