I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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