Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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