yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
