so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Sext me about skeletons
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
