Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
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How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
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People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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