She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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