It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
