i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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