you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
