I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
