some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
