I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
