I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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