I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I need water and some morals
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
