I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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