omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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