just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
