then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
