They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
