When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
