there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Randomize
