Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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