There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
